Quotes, Humor, Conversations
* z has returned, Dear lord, that was concentrated evil coming out the back of me!. [gone:15m2s]

Logged conversation, technical support 02/27/02
Note that the phrases in ital were really uttered rather than spoken.


Me: "Yeah?"
Woman: 'Hello, I'd like to contact Tech Medics? Is this the right phone number???'
Me: "Yep."
Woman: 'Hi! I'm having a problem with my printer. Could you come down and take a look at it? I like two houses to the left of you. What time is good for you?'
Me: Wtf is up with printers this week.."Sure. Be down in 15 minutes."
Woman: '15 minutes? Well, dear lord, I didn't expect that kind of service, see you in 5, 10, well 15 minutes!'

About 10 minutes later I head down and ring the doorbell..come in and I'm looking at a forest green imac with a standard dial-up connection.

Me: *Noticing the large red blinking light* "Your printer is out of black ink."
Woman: 'You just looked at it, how could you know that?'
Me: "I'm pretty good with computers." An eggplant could of seen that.
Woman: 'I need more ink! Heavens, how do I get that?'
Me: "Go down to staples and give them this. *Writing down some stuff on a piece of paper* I'll install it for you for free tomorrow."
Woman: Wow, you should be in Mensa!
Me: Thank you.
(At which point I reminded myself I was in another persons house and it would be illegal to set her on fire.)

After two hours of this..I'm configuring e-mail and walking through some technical issues, very difficult and complex things, such as copy and pasting and e-mailing on AOL.

Woman: How do I get rid of this stupid buddy list thing.
Me: I honestly don't know.
Woman: Well I don't use it, I just check my e-mail, can't you get rid of it?
Me: I don't think it's possible.
Woman: Ok, just teach me how to download files then.
Me: Click the little box labeled "download".
Woman: Box? Which box. I see "Send now", it's a big box.
Me: Soon I will have my revenge. The smaller box. The one to the left of it. The one that is labeled "DOWNLOAD NOW" in large, protruding blue lettering.
Woman: I......see...(this was toned as if she just saw the burning bush of God in the bible for herself)
Woman: My daughter bought me this and said she'd drag me kicking and screaming into the 21st century.
Me: It's a good thing you are still in the 14th, then.

More to come.





Ok..this one was just WEIRD. Friend of mine was looking for information on faeries as he builds rooms for a Multi User Dungeon online. He sent an e-mail commenting on one person's website, this was the original letter.

"Very nice site, not quite what I was looking for, but a delightful escape nonetheless. I build for an online MUD, and am trying to find sites to help educate me and rid me of my "faerie ignorance", so far very slow, but yours is definitely the most fun. Thank you."

The response to the letter is as follows:

"I'd be happy to help......faeries are from a 4th dimensional world co-existing in our same space......they enter our world via "gateways" and in so doing have abilities that we think extraordinary......they are much more evolved and have a greater energy within. Many humans who find themselves close to a gateway will find the energy from it to be overwhelming and it causes them to sleep. Faeries are here trying to help us evolve......especially those from certain realms....for like humans they have various degrees of evolution as well. The golden Diva's have even allowed their own to be incarnated here to help from a direct source. Thus those who feel alien yet in human form.......many don't have full memory, only glimpses and often they find it a bit difficult at first......however with clubs like mine, we are uniting them so there's strength in numbers.......You see earth is headed toward being a 4 dimensional planet too......and when that happens the energy will increase, those not ready will cease to exist on terra, existing elsewhere until their energy does increase.....many changes are abound.....the solution? Learn to love.....love yourself and love those around you.......love heals and the planet needs healing.
Hope this helps."

My God, do I even need to say anything?